Yesterday I felt like my world was upside down! I had the most horrible rubbish day… in fact most of the last week has been really crappy.
I’ve been getting increasingly frustrated about pretty much everything … I’m living with my parents again at the age of 34, I’ve spent over a month in the UK and feel like I’ve not achieved anything, I’ve got a cold, I hate the world … you get the picture. I am working out the new normal and it's hard ...
Yesterday I blew… big style. And my mum and sister got the brunt of it.
I’m used to living on my own and enjoying lots of quiet time, but this past 6 weeks I’ve spent virtually no time by myself (unless you count sitting up watching Homeland at 3am just to get headspace) and the noise got too much for me… so I took it out on those people closest to me, because I could!
Basically I threw a bit fat tantrum because my mum had moved my leather jacket and I made sure she knew about it … then I stomped up and down the stairs … and banged some doors …then I cried. Mature I know. (I did say sorry).
Thankfully I have a very straight-talking sister who gave me a big hug and told me to stop being a dick!
She also reminded me of the reasons I was in the UK and that in fact I had achieved what I’d set out to, even it was hard to see it that way.
For my benefit as much as anything, these include:
- I’ve helped my two best friends launch Grumpy’s bar and wood fired pizzas in Farsley, Leeds
- I’ve discovered a hidden talent for using a 400C wood fired pizza oven
- I’m still shit-hot at waitressing.
- I’ve rewritten my CV after 4 years.
- I’ve got a new bestie in my baby niece Matilda
- I’ve cleared out my wardrobe and sorted all my paperwork
- I’ve been to see my accountant
- I’ve put my house up for sale
- I’ve taken up running again (well kind of)
- I’ve walked hours with my sister and Matilda and inspired Rachel to take up blogging too! (Follow her @walkingmatilda)
- I’ve joined blog school
- I’ve run my friend’s new boutique for a day
- I’ve caught up watching ‘This Is Us’ (sob)
- I had a run-in with a major blast from the past and DID NOT burst into tears!
- And most importantly after 4 years of talking about it I’ve finally set up this blog
It turns out I’ve actually got shit done!
It just didn’t feel like it because everything is different again, which reminded of exactly how I felt when I left the UK and drove to France, and again when I first moved to Fuerteventura.
We’re all used to our lives having a certain routine, i.e get up, go to work, go to the gym, eat dinner, go to bed … and repeat. It feels ‘normal’. The structure feels safe and allows us to see that we’ve ticked things off our to-do list.
But if you throw the structure out of the window entirely, suddenly life doesn’t feel ‘normal’ anymore.
When I worked at Azulfit and guests at the yoga retreat asked me how I’d changed my life and left the UK, I used to talk about creating the ‘new normal’ and now I need to remember that that’s what I’m doing again. It feels different because it IS different – doh! I.E not having a 9-5 life is not going to feel like a 9-5 life … (does that even make sense!?)
That being said they are a few things I’ve learnt that can help everything feel a little less chaotic when you’re trying to figure everything out:
- Write it down! Yesterday I thought the world was ending and today I’ve written this post and can see for myself that I’m moving in the right direction.
- Create a fresh start. Take a yoga class, watch a film, go for a walk or (my favourite) take a bath. Draw a line under feeling shitty and then start again or do something else.
- Done is better than perfect. I’ve stolen this off Naomi from Less Ordinary Life Wanted because, very simply, she’s right.
- Talk about it… I was stuck in my head over thinking everything and feeling frustrated with lack of progress, but Rachel made me see I’ve achieved more than I thought.
- Be kind to yourself – Ok I didn’t achieve world domination today, but I wrote this blog AND I washed my hair and that is winning!
- (And always say sorry to your mum!)
Creating the ‘new normal’ is hard, but I believe it might just be better… do you?!
Until next time!